My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
