ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
