Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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