He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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