who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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