Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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