My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
