so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
