SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
