when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
