The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
