so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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