I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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