So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
