if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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