hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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