I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
