dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
