She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
