this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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