hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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