Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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