I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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