I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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