I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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