69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
