we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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