I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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