I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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