at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
