you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
