I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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