Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
