Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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