I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
