So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
