zippers are such a cool invention
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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