This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
