You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
