I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
worst night to have a conscience
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
