Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
