the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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