the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
