how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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