I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
