so that wasnt chicken after all
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
