Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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