he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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