yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You can't just leave with hair like that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
