um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you didnt know i had herpes?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
