so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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