dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
