Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
