our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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